WHAT
MEN WANT AFTER PROSTATE CANCER
Sex
therapist Bettina Arndt's new book, What Men Want - in bed is all
about why sex matters so much to men. Over 150 men kept diaries for her, talking
about what it is like to live with that constant sparking sexual energy - relentless,
uncontrollable, all-consuming.
Their painfully honest, confronting, often
hilarious stories explain their quest for sexual adventure, their secret delights,
longings, frustrations, their fears and their intense joy in making love.
It
was men's bumpy sexual journey following prostate cancer treatments that inspired
Bettina to conduct this new research. In her previous study on mismatched desire,
she'd been fascinated by how different couples deal with the impact of the cancer
treatments on their sex life - some mourning the loss of erections and struggling
with the new ED treatments while others giving up, or else moving onto a whole
new approach to lovemaking.
So the heart of this new book is about erections
- looking at how couples cope when the man's sexual equipment lets him down, particularly
after prostate cancer treatments. The diarists write about the wondrous new drugs
offering many a second chance. They explain what it is like to pop the little
blue pills, or inject their best friend, or cope with a pump-up penis. Extraordinary
his-and-hers diaries reveal how partners react to this bumpy journey showing the
fallout when a man seeks a new lease of sexual life when his wife just wants him
to hang up his spurs.
Men write with extraordinary candour about these
deeply personal experiences. They talk about their fear that their nookie days
are over:
"This is not living this is just existing."
"I've
lost my best friend, even if he was a dickhead."
They share their
joys at the miraculous new erection treatments:
"The first time
was amazing. It felt like I was 20 again. This is the best thing since sliced
bread but much dearer."
"Willy was up, ready to play for 45 minutes
- oh what a feeling Toyota!"
We hear from women who are keen
to see their men put out to pasture:
"I love my husband but I believe
I have earned a rest."
"A chemically induced penis is not my idea
of pleasure. It makes me feel used."
But also women who are devastated
when their men withdraw from sexual contact:
"I felt rejected,
undesirable and unfeminine. I was a weeping mess most days."
It
isn't easy coaxing a reluctant partner while using treatments that take time to
kick in.
"I've lost track of the number of times I've popped a
little blue pill only to find her fast asleep."
Here are the stories
from the coalface as men - with many of their partners - reveal all about negotiating
this difficult life passage. Their revealing stories will be an inspiration to
others sharing the same journey.
Bettina
was on an ABC
Radio program talking to one of Australia's leading urologists, one of the
few offering comprehensive penile rehabilitation, and a couple, Pam and David
Sandoe who've navigated this difficult territory and now help others through one
of Australia's biggest prostate cancer support groups.
What Men
Want provides a vital update on all the sexual issues faced by couples
in these circumstances. Bettina Arndt draws on her thirty years as a sex therapist
and respected social commentator to reveal all the latest research and advice
to help couples maintain physical intimacy - teaching men and women walk in each
other's shoes and better understand each other's fears and frustrations. Publication
date: September 1, 2010: Recommended Retail Selling Price $34.99. Available at
FishPond
on the Internet and retail shops.
Bettina
also has a Forum where sexual
issues are openly discussed.
